A Clouded Start
It would be wrong to say that the 2025 RBCC UK tour started under a cloud but the absence of Tipu, Sudhanshu and Danish, the three of them having been forced to withdraw before coming under starter’s orders, was certainly not the start we wanted. We missed you lads!
The remaining hopefuls met at Zaventem, all present and correct. A quick ‘Ollie Check’ (are you sure you all have your passports?) and we were ready to board the fun bus…except that we couldn’t because Max R and Adam had waited until we were all sorted before going off for a pit stop, thus incurring the first fines of the tour.
The Journey & First Stop
Once underway the usual topics of conversation cropped up; is the Hndrd the death or the future of cricket, is Bazball a real thing…and of course one of Ben’s historical monologues, this time a treatise on nazi death camp transportation systems. Anyway, we rolled up to Coquelles in good time, excitement mounting as the FlexiPlus sign came into view.
Even in the absence of Ben the Big Eater our lads put in a decent performance at the buffet, massacring a tray of chocolate eclairs in memory of glories past and absent friends.
Fully loaded up we were looking forward to a spot of train cricket but the effort of remembering their travel documents meant the youth had forgotten to bring a tennis ball…something to remember for next year.
Donnington Manor Adventures
Arriving in the UK we saluted the Chalk Horse in our best American accents and headed for the eccentric charms of the Donnington Manor Hotel and the tender, though lengthy, welcome of Karen on the check-in desk.
Donnington Manor is a fascinating hotel with statues of elephants, assorted deities and palm trees making the gardens an unconventional corner of the Kent countryside. Some of the interior design was interesting as well but, most importantly, we all managed to get twin rooms except for Dom and Chris who had to manage with a double. That fact will become important later in our story…
Match 1: The Vine
Having settled in we gathered our kit, put our game faces on and headed up to The Vine. As we all know by now, the Vine is one of the oldest cricket venues in the world; its earliest known use was for a match between Kent and Sussex on Friday 6 September 1734. It is also notable for being the first place in England where cricket was played with three stumps rather than two.
While us old timers love that historical feel, the youth have a different approach to the game. Amidst much eye rolling from the former it was agreed by the latter that we would play a version of the Hndrd on this fine old ground.
Our hosts batted first but struggled against our new ball attack with Max B and Max R both taking a couple of wickets; our fielding was sharp with Adam setting the tone behind the stumps. Sevenoaks finished on 121 which felt a little short.
We opened with Dom and Ben, the pair of them in fine form until Ben fell to a good catch on 15 and Dom retired on 25. Arun then gave us one of his masterclasses, playing some delightful drives, while Max B simply hit the hide off the ball before they both retired on 25. There was still time for the annual battle of the Comptons, played out before doting parents and rather less doting children, with Nick C hitting a four off his brother’s bowling before being comprehensively bowled next ball; presumably it was this shocking dismissal that led one old member to mutter ‘…and that’s why he is the worst Compton in the club’. Chris W and skipper Rob then saw us home for a comfortable enough victory as the skies darkened.
As usual The Vine laid on an excellent barbecue and our boys did us proud at the bar, yet again managing to drink all the Timothy Taylor’s. Such was their enthusiasm for this task that some of the older hands ventured that perhaps a modicum of self-preservation might be in order, sadly to no avail; these words of wisdom fell on deaf ears and glassy eyes.
The value of hard-won experience was confirmed in the wee small hours when it turned out that Dom had done that in the bed he was sharing with his brother. Still, what goes on tour etc…
Reviewing events in his role as responsible adult, skipper Rob had no hesitation in declaring Max B as Man of the Match for his 2 wickets, 1 catch and 25 unbeaten runs. Dom won the Dick of the Day award for his inexcusable behaviour that was clearly down to a dodgy prawn and not the gallon of Landlord someone had forced him to drink.
Match 2: Otford
Saturday dawned fair as the lads compared the merits of the breakfasts they had sampled in various hotels over the years. Chris A submitted this beauty as his Breakfast of Champions. Sadly it’s this thinking with his belly rather than his brain that caused the Cancillator to initially turn up at entirely the wrong cricket ground, although to be fair he did get the right county.
Otford is a wonderful ground, with facilities we can only dream about at RBCC. Just as the buzzing of insects in the hedgerows is redolent of the ripeness of late summer in England, so will the sound of the high-speed trainline whizzing past the Otford ground always remind us of the breakfast adventures of our lost antipodean, Mr William Quek.
We batted first with Dom and Ben making an excellent start, putting on a big opening stand without any trouble. They both retired having scored 50, a feat repeated by Max B. Nick C and guest batter Satvick saw us through to what felt like a reasonable score of 232-3 from our 35 overs.
In reply Sevenoaks really started slowly as Chris W and Max R opened the attack with some excellent bowling (1 for 24 and 2 for 20 respectively) which saw our hosts struggling to stay in the game. It was all looking good for RBCC until Ben, dozing in the outfield (having just dropped a sitter) was hit in the face by a wayward throw from one of his own players. He had to leave the pitch for a concussion check and we were grateful for the ministrations of one of the Sevenoaks players who helped to make sure that Ben was OK.
By the halfway stage we looked to have the game wrapped up but whether it was the injury to Ben, fatigue from the night before or just the clouds rolling in, the balance of the match started to change. Our experienced bowlers, Chris A and Arun, tried to put the brakes on but by now Sevenoaks were purring. Sykes and Nix both hit unbeaten 50s and any doubt that the tide had turned was removed by a shocking decision by an unpleasant man masquerading as an umpire, the charlatan in question turning down a clear run out.
We took it deeper than our last match at Otford but the hard truth is that we had this match in the bag but gave it away by bowling too many wides and dropping three expensive sitters in the outfield. Sevenoaks finished the job in the penultimate over.
The MOTM debate was a Weinel only affair; Chris bowled superbly but in the end Dom won through, despite having skulled one of his own team, on the basis of his excellent batting and bowling.
Afterwards we went back to Sevenoaks for beer and pizza. The lads were a little subdued but it didn’t take long for their normal high spirits to kick in and we were soon decamping to the delightful Rose and Crown for a post-match debrief, where President Vorzanger was toasted by all for putting €100 in the tour kitty. Those of us that know the legal limit for drinking alcohol in the UK is 18, and not 16 as in Belgium, loved the bit when Max B went back to the hotel to finish his maths homework before returning for a couple of pints at the bar and telling the barman how tough his schoolteachers were…
Poor Max B also managed to get himself voted DOTD when it turned out that he had ordered the hotel staff to deliver a toothbrush to his room and then even instructed the poor girl charged with serving the young master to unwrap it for him on the grounds that he didn’t want to chip a nail. Oh Max!
In true tour tradition things then started to get messy. Some of the senior tourists went on a bender and ended up in a secret bar at 02:00 hours, with one of them reportedly coming out with the immortal line ‘Is it OK if I have a quick p*ss in your garden?’ to the lady in charge.
Fortunately the young lads were aware that there was a crucial game the following morning and that they needed to prepare accordingly, which is why this photo shows them back at the hotel having protein shakes not beer and kebabs.
Match 3: Folkestone
Somehow everyone survived, no one was arrested, and Sunday morning saw us back in the fun bus and heading down to the coast to meet our old pals from Folkestone CC.
We had lost Chris A to another appointment but our old RBCC colleague, Hemang, joined us for the last game of the tour. Nick C seized control of the team while Rob was looking the other way, his mission statement being that he wanted to give the younger players a go, just before announcing that he would be opening the batting.
Predictably the worst Compton fell cheaply but at least we had one fluent lefty; step forward Chris W! Finally given a chance to bat up the order he was flying and looked nailed on for a half century when he was sawn off for 47 by an LBW decision from Max R that was best described by those present as ‘brave’. Ben made an unbeaten 50 and Dom played well yet again. As we only had 10 men one of our players was allowed to return for a second go; Captain Compton stepped forward bravely and somehow managed to do slightly worse than in his first innings. We had subsided to 237 all out; criminally we had done so using only 28 of our 35 overs.
Folkestone started well despite excellent bowling from Chris W and Ben, the latter turning his arm over for the first time in a while. Morgan (60) and Taylor (73) took Folkestone to within sight of victory but our lads never gave up. Wickets started to fall, one to a splendid diving catch by Max B, and suddenly we were back in the game.
The last pair came together with 6 runs needed and with the scores tied we had a marvellous run out opportunity that we couldn’t quite nail. Fine margins and all that as Folkestone won an excellent game of cricket. A tough game, played in excellent spirit.
With that it was time to race to the fun bus and head for the Tunnel. By this time some of our elite athletes were starting to feel the strain; even the ever eager President Ball needed some downtime…apparently still recovering from Rob’s instruction to ‘…bounce out pensioners!’.
It had been a great tour. Great fun for all, we got on well with both Sevenoaks and Folkestone, both of whom promised to visit us next season as well as inviting us over again. RBCC played some really good cricket; well done lads.
There were still a couple of formalities to go through of course. Chris W was a clear MOTM both for his batting and his bowling. Nick C won DOTD, partly for his coup d’etat, partly because he wasn’t there when we voted. The final formality? One last raid on FlexiPlus!
Scorecard & Player Ratings
Chris A: Big marks for making it, eventually, to Otford, loses marks for going drinking with Compo – 7
Ben: Excellent batting throughout, bowled well at Folkestone – 9
Rob: Led by example, made solid runs and bowled up hill and into the wind at Folkestone; played a blinder by booking the tour bus – 7
Dom: Batted well and bowled 7 good overs at Otford; added to his tour reputation…on and off the pitch – 9
Adam: Great keeping in difficult conditions, kept the team going with positive vibes; unlucky with his batting – 8
Max B: Another great tourist, bowled fast, hit hard and took great catches. Loses a point for toothbrushgate – 9
Arun: A class act on and off the pitch, beautiful cover drives – 7
Max R: Bowled some great spells and fielded well; struggled a bit at Folkestone but battled through it – 8
Nick C: His on-field game looked a bit rusty; off-field was imperious – 7
Chris W: Terrific bowling and batted superbly. Great tourist – 9
Hemang: An RBCC legend, great to have him on the tour – 7
They also served:
- Mark W: Played a blinder as tour manager and all-round voice of reason – 9
- Sudhanshu: Cruelly ruled out of the tour having put in a huge cat-herding effort – 9
- Bus driver: Didn’t crash – 2
